we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
