i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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