just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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