I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
