I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
