You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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