names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
