I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize