The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
