My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
