Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
