Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
