I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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