i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
