Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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