How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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