I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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