did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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