Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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