I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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