Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
