wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize