mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Say something about gay babies.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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