i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
