I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
