If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
