so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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