can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
