This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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