I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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