I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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