Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
