I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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