Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
