Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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