5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize