pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so that wasnt chicken after all
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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