I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
