I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize