Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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