I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
FUCK WHALES
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
