i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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