I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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