This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
