We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
