You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
