I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
