omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
