i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
