so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize