hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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