After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
