my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
