I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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