that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
