he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
