census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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