in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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