and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
