Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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