idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
