nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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