So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
