Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize