Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
