I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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