I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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