the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
