it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
