my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
