So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
