38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
