i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
