drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
nutella sex= disaster
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
