a search helicopter?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize