just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
