thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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