In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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