i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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