hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
