There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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