Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
