So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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