4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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