Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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