its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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