why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
