i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
