I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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