Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
