I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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