420 ftw
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
