Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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