sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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