Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
