Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize