I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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