He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
