This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
