so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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