Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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