he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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