And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
